After having two beautiful baby boys, I knew that I wanted to do something completely different with my third. I have received a lot of questions regarding my decision to go natural so I thought I would share my story, and maybe convince you along the way of the beauty of birth without drugs.
So, why after having two perfectly healthy boys would I decide to go a different route? Some people would say that I was crazy for even considering a natural birth, that medicine today has progressed far beyond what it used to be and that I didn’t have the health of my child as my number one priority. I would disagree wholeheartedly. Yes, medicine has progressed and receiving help through birth in the form of medication works wonderfully. However, for me, the human body has always been fascinating to me. The sole idea that women can grow a baby inside of them is miraculous, let alone that our bodies were made to deliver them. I knew in my heart that God was choosing a different birth story for this little one and I was ready for all of the trials that would come along with it; knowing all the while that the ending would be incredible.
During the time of my pregnancy, I was on the home stretch of finishing up nursing school (two kids, a third one on the way, a full time working hubby, and nursing school? Ya, I know, I’m crazy). Throughout school, I had become increasingly interested in midwifery and had a few friends who had great success with a midwife. After hearing their stories and doing some research on my own, I made the first step of meeting with a midwife. I met with a few different midwifes, one of them being Kristy. One of my initial questions to Kristy was what was she going to do when I broke down during labor and asked for medicine. She assured me that no matter what, we would stick to the birthing plan. She assured me that our bodies were made to do this and that the experience wasn’t something you could explain; it was indeed something that needed to be felt to be understood. From that moment, I knew that this was the path for me. I knew that God was leading me, that He wanted me to be able to experience something so incredibly amazing. And while I was totally on board, I wasn’t ready for the transformation in my heart and in my relationship with my husband that was about to happen.
My pregnancy felt very familiar. Things were going well but of course I was carrying yet another large baby. My husband weighed in at 11 lbs 6 oz so I’ve always been prone to bigger babies. Once I hit about 4 months, I started measuring two weeks early. That continued through the rest of my pregnancy and, naturally, raised some questions. I was checked for gestational diabetes 3 times and luckily they all came back negative. I was starting to get concerned but my concern immediately turned to trust. I have always taken care of my body and I was perfectly healthy. I rested in that, knowing that these tests were just precautionary and that the health of myself and my baby weren’t compromised. And let’s be honest, we can totally just blame my husband for the passing down of his big genetics. At about 37 weeks, I started to dilate and baby was getting ready to come into the world. Before even going into labor, I had progressed to five centimeters and my midwife had warned me that once labor actually started I would need to get to the hospital right away. For weeks I had contractions constantly but nothing that progressed. On March 7th, my midwife decided to order another ultrasound since I was still measuring two weeks early. At this ultrasound, the baby was weighing in at over 9 pounds and I knew that if labor didn’t begin by the end of the week, they would induce me. I knew that I didn’t want to be induced. The contractions you get from Pitocin aren’t like natural contractions. They are more painful and I didn’t want to go through something like that. So, when I got home, Operation Start Labor commenced. I walked around the house, cleaned, shook my hips – anything I could do to get that baby to flip, I was trying it. Nothing worked.
That evening, my husband and I were headed to a comedy show. About an hour before the show, I started getting contractions. This feeling was all too familiar and I figured they were the same contractions I had been getting for weeks. Conrad tried to convince me to skip the comedy show but heck, I thought laughing may actually help this baby get moving, so we went! I kept getting contractions during the show but wanted to make sure this was it. We made it to nearly the end of the show and decided to head to the hospital. I remember praying on the way there, hoping that these were real contractions. Prayer answered. We got to the hospital and I was 6cm and showing regular contractions. We were being admitted and we were going to have a baby. I felt so overjoyed and terrified at the same time. What I wanted was finally here, but now it was time to go to work.
When we were admitted, I asked what midwife was on and it was Kristy. Looking back, there were all of these moments of disbelief when God stepped in and said “I’ve got you, don’t worry”. Finding out that Kristy would be my midwife for this birth was one of those moments. Kristy took a look at my ultrasound from that morning and warned me that a birth in the tub wouldn’t be an option. I could be in the tub before the birth but would need to get out just prior. I had been so hopeful for a water birth but I respected her decision and knew that it wouldn’t be the right thing for the baby. I did some walking around, bounced on the ball, and relaxed in the tub for a bit. Since it was night time, Kristy suggested resting as much as I could. I never thought this was possible but I slept in between contractions. The calm I experienced from Kristy, Conrad, and my body was overwhelming and wonderful. It allowed me to enjoy the experience in the midst of all of the uncertainty.
When I got to 7cm, I asked Kristy to break my water. As soon as she broke it, I knew that it was time to go to work. I listened to the relaxing CD my sister bought me, rocked in the chair, and ultimately decided to get in the tub one last time. I remember Conrad asking me what I was doing and I calmly replied, “The second I get out of the tub, shit is going to hit the fan” (verbatim). In those few moments, I knew I needed prayer and a pep talk. I felt this baby coming and everything after this moment was going to be out of my control. So, I gave it to God. I got out of the tub and back onto the ball. I was right, contractions hit and they didn’t stop. In the midst of the pain, I cannot put into words the support that I felt. My husband and Kristy worked so well together and coached me the entire way. I remember looking at Kristy and telling her that I was done and needed medicine. With no hesitation she said, “Ashley, you’re doing this beautifully and this is transition, which means we are so dang close. You can do this”. Conrad kept rubbing my back and talking me through it. I remember him kissing my forehead and just making me feel like I could do this. I was just in so much pain crying through each contraction and I just wanted a break but the truth is, there isn’t even enough time to think about getting medicine. Before you know it, you’re just focusing on getting through that next contraction. Between the support of Conrad and Kristy, the peace and calm I felt, the strength of my body, and just being able to focus on my breath – there was never a real moment of doubt. And in fact, there was an exact moment where my body just took over. It did exactly what it needed to do with no real encouragement from me. It felt the stress and it just started working.
So, I started pushing. The most effective pushing I’ve ever experienced. I think I pushed for 5 minutes. As the nurse placed the baby on my chest, she told me that we had another beautiful boy. I was overjoyed. How lucky was I to have another healthy baby boy? A moment later, the midwife said, “Ashley, Ashley, no no no, we have ourselves a little girl here”. Those words will be ingrained in my mind forever. I cannot tell you what I said or what I did. All I remember is the rush of emotion and the tears that started streaming down my face. I had a daughter. A beautiful baby girl. I looked up at Conrad. Never would I have thought that my heart could hold more love for him than it already did. But in that moment, seeing the tears streaming down his face, I was more in love than I’ve ever been. Many people say that you feel empowered as a woman by going natural, but I felt empowered as a couple. Conrad was there with me through all of it – always comforting me and making me laugh through my pregnancy and being my strength when I needed it most during my labor.
So, there we were, with little Charlotte on my chest. With Braxton and Brady, breastfeeding was extremely difficult. When they were born, all they wanted to do was sleep. Charlotte was different. She immediately began to search for my breast. I wasn’t strong enough to sit up so I looked at Conrad and said pull me up now, this is what I wanted. This baby is going to nurse. And she did. The whole time we were in the child birth unit, she nursed. I know that if I hadn’t chose natural, she would’ve been just like her brothers and I never would’ve been able to experience that bond. It was indescribable.
All of my birth stories are amazing because I got three beautiful children out of them. But Charlotte’s was life changing. It changed my relationship with myself, my relationship with my children, my relationship with my husband, and my relationship with God. If you asked me if I would go natural again, I would tell you that I wouldn’t do it any other way. It is, indeed, an experience that must be felt to even be remotely understood and I am so grateful for the process.
