As you know from my previous posts we have moved Braxton into a big boy bed and now sits an empty crib in the other room. Many people know my secret, but for the most part I keep this secret to myself mostly because it is something that is destroying me. About a year ago I started having issues and had multiple ultrasounds. I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome. Most people with this condition have fertility issues. Basically you don't have normal cycles and many months I have gone with no ovulation. My doctor has informed me that she thinks I will have more kids because I have had one successfully, but with age it will get worse. As this year has gone by I have noticed my cycles farther apart and little ovulation. Hard to believe at 24 years old I would learn that maybe this is it for me. Now I walk by this crib and it hits me, I may never get to use it again. To say it kills me is an understatement. My whole life I have dreamed of being a mother to tons of kids. Being a mom to Braxton is my world. I truly believe it is what I was destined to do. I guess the hardest part right now is Braxton daily asks me for a sibling and the thought that I might never be able to give it to him just kills me. As a mother you want to give your child the world and the relationships I have with my siblings makes me want that for him. All I can do is pray that God gives me a chance to do this again in my life. This is my opportunity to speak out and let it go. At some point I have to stop stressing about it and let it be. I know God will take care of us and I just have to believe in that.
Braxton. Charley. Brady.
My Joy
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Will I ever be able to fill it again?
As you know from my previous posts we have moved Braxton into a big boy bed and now sits an empty crib in the other room. Many people know my secret, but for the most part I keep this secret to myself mostly because it is something that is destroying me. About a year ago I started having issues and had multiple ultrasounds. I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome. Most people with this condition have fertility issues. Basically you don't have normal cycles and many months I have gone with no ovulation. My doctor has informed me that she thinks I will have more kids because I have had one successfully, but with age it will get worse. As this year has gone by I have noticed my cycles farther apart and little ovulation. Hard to believe at 24 years old I would learn that maybe this is it for me. Now I walk by this crib and it hits me, I may never get to use it again. To say it kills me is an understatement. My whole life I have dreamed of being a mother to tons of kids. Being a mom to Braxton is my world. I truly believe it is what I was destined to do. I guess the hardest part right now is Braxton daily asks me for a sibling and the thought that I might never be able to give it to him just kills me. As a mother you want to give your child the world and the relationships I have with my siblings makes me want that for him. All I can do is pray that God gives me a chance to do this again in my life. This is my opportunity to speak out and let it go. At some point I have to stop stressing about it and let it be. I know God will take care of us and I just have to believe in that.
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Ashley,
ReplyDeleteI too have PCOS! It took us almost 8 years and many dr's to get our miracle girls! I know the heartbreaks of it all! Hang in there and know that there are many people out their that know what it is like. Let me know if you need someone to talk to or just to vent!!
Ash,it takes so much courage to share that with everyone. Know that there are more prayers being sent your way because of that :) Also remember that everything is already taken care of. You are exactly where you are supposed to be at this very moment. Faith and hope my friend. Let go and let God and do not fear. What is meant to be will be...God always knows what is best for us and his plan is never wrong :) Love you babe. xoxoxo
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